Pressure


These past few days have been tough. Shit, these past few months have been tough. I honestly thought that planning a wedding would be the most time-consuming thing I'd ever have to do, but it turns out that running a business takes the cake.

I haven't stopped, not once, in weeks. Here's what my schedule looks like: Sunday and Monday, I make the 3-hour round-trip commute to Brooklyn for my internship (I do that on Fridays, too). Tuesday and Wednesday, I take real estate classes in the city from ass-early in the morning until stupid late (except for these last few weeks because of all the family stuff I told you about). Thursdays and Saturdays, I shoot for my own photography company. So, yeah, it's like that.

I want to make one thing perfectly clear: I am happy. Like, elated even. I love what I'm doing and appreciate the fact that I have a wonderful husband who is supporting this pursuit of happiness, but I think need to evaluate the amount of pressure I'm putting on myself and the number of responsibilities I've taken on.

Let's look at this blog for example...I love it. It's been really good for me and has connected me to people I never would've had the opportunity to otherwise, but I think it's causing me to stress a little. This Saturday marked the first time since last April that I failed to update my blog. And then to make matters worse, I skipped out on Sunday and Monday, too. You guys, I almost cried about it. I know that there are, like, three of you who actually look forward to my daily posts and I felt like I let y'all down. I love this space, but I've been too busy to notice how much pressure I put on myself to ensure it's updated daily. It's a lot and I think that pressure combined with my other obligations is causing the content to suffer. I don't want to post just to post. I want to blog with feeling and enthusiasm, not because I feel I need to meet a self-imposed quota. I want to keep it real and unfortunately, I haven't been.

Want to know what's real? Me slumping down to the floor last night in tears because I was too tired to stand anymore. That's real. And I can't keep running at this pace for too much longer. I need to cut myself a little slack and figure out (and keep to) a schedule that will work for my family and me. One thing that's going to stay a priority is this place BUT...it may not be as busy around here as it has been for the past year. I owe it to myself to cut back to maintain my sanity and I owe it to you to publish fun and interesting content that's not forced or pressured in anyway. 

I don't know if you realized it or not, but I put quite a bit of work into this space (and the other blogs I contribute to). I'm talking AT LEAST 20-25 hours a week between here, Danielle the Dietitian and SalSeek. Yes, blogging is my part time job. I reflected on my situation when I was curled up in the fetal position last night and realized that I'd like to take back some of that time so I can spend some more time with my husband...and myself. 

In order for me to keep it real with you folks, I need to take a small step back. Does that make sense? I need a few more hours of sleep at night so when I do sit in front of this computer, I can put to "paper" the best me I can be! I know things will get easier eventually, but for now, I need time to figure out what's what. I hope you're all okay with that and if not, tough noogies, it's happening anyway.

8 comments

gpRamdas said... February 21, 2012 at 12:33 PM

Don't be so hard on yourself hon. We know you pour your heart and soul in all that you do. It is totally okay if you are not blogging as you were in the past due to your other wonderful endeavors. We always look forward to what you post, but most importantly we want you to take care of yourself and not become overwhelmed and pressured. We would much rather have you blog at your best state. Thanks for continuing to keep it real with your followers.

Invisobel said... February 21, 2012 at 12:52 PM

Why don't you package up some of that ambition and motivation and send it over my way? Hopefully that will take some of the pressure off and I can use your surplus to get my ass in shape. I'd consider it mutually beneficial. Breathe dear breathe...

PS. Why is there no comment edit option?

Barby said... February 21, 2012 at 1:05 PM

Remember to Breath... I second gpRamdas thoughts.

MODERN MOM said... February 21, 2012 at 1:09 PM

It makes total sense! I don't blog everyday but I do try to blog at least twice a week. IF I blog more than that its a bonus! I know for some that maybe too little but hey I love my blog and it's connected me to you and many other great people! I give it the attention it deserves without feeling like it's a job because it's my place to be me! I also have to give the other people in my life attention! You will find the balance! Hell I am still working on mines! You are great! Keep it up!

L.S. said... February 21, 2012 at 1:52 PM

eeeekkk. I just sent you an email. I think you can definitely ignore it. I don't want to give you more work. Take it easy and breathe! :)

nova said... February 21, 2012 at 7:06 PM

real life stuff > internet stuff
We understand. Do what you have to do.

Melissa @ funfitchic.net said... February 22, 2012 at 9:36 AM

I feel like we both hit the same crossroad at the exact same time. I FEEL YOU. Omg,I started a new job that is actually two new jobs. One job takes me to Newburgh twice a week. Driving is so exhausting and then the work, though interesting is equally exhausting. I now have a new personal training client, Z8 Fitness has kept me super busy and we are doing so well as a business but its exhausting. I am also taking a class in school on Sundays for 5 hours. This means I have to study for exams as well. I can't believe I agreed to all these things. I'm a maniac but I too am pursuing happiness and stability. ahhhh. We are insane. Anyway, keep doing what you are doing if it brings you happiness.

Caitlin said... February 24, 2012 at 9:49 AM

I second Nova's comment!! Do what you gotta do, friend.

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