Nova & Ryan

Please enjoy this little guest post from Nova of Four Eyes Rella.

Well, Danielle asked me to write out some marriage/relationship advice for her wedding. I’m not married, but am in a long-term serious relationship with an awesome man, so I guess I could be qualified to give out some advice. I’m not sure if this is what she was expecting, but…well, you’ll see.


You know that old movie cliché where there’s a group of men drinking booze somewhere at a bachelor party and the groom starts freaking because he suddenly realizes he is only going to be able to have sex with one woman for the rest of his life?

How ridiculous! First of all, that “rule” totally depends on the husband and wife and where they want to take their relationship; not every single married couple confines themselves to a single sexual partner for the span of their existence. But, if you’re like me and prefer the monogamous route with a forever-type partner, there are still a million ways to make this idea of “Him/Her forever” a little less scary. Here are five tips on how you can have a satisfying sexual relationship, without jeopardizing the romantic relationship.

Disclaimer: I’m not going to give out sex tips here, you can read Cosmo magazine if you need the same old recycled “TOP FIFTY WAYS TO MAKE HIM GO OOH YEAH”, like that counter-clockwise blow job or whatever (Hi, Mom!). This is about the other important stuff to remember about sex with your husband/wife/partner. So here we go:


Number One: Forget the past. Please don’t let the ‘magic number’ thing become an issue. It doesn’t matter how many people either of you have been with before you met each other or how experienced you may or may not be in comparison. The awesome thing is…you chose each other to spend the rest of your life with, despite (or thanks to) having had all those experiences! Just think of all the previous partners as “practice runs” if you must think about it at all.

On the other side of the coin, unless explicitly asked to share, keep the sex-nostalgia in the vault. Nobody wants to hear about what so-and-so used to do for you.

And both of you must be honest about any unsafe sex you may have had. Getting tested is the safest way to ensure that you’re both STD-free. And if you’re not, please talk to your doctor about the "safe" ways to enjoy each other’s bodies. It’s possible to have a healthy (maybe unconventional) sexual relationship with somebody who has an STD.


Number Two: Take one for the team every once in a while. For the love of all that is holy, the world does not revolve around your pleasure alone. Sometimes you need to forget getting off and just focus on the other person. Don’t make the other person “do all the work." In fact, NEVER think about it as “work," think of it as “awesome fun time together."

Number Three: Keep an open mind and don’t fall into a rut. You are going to be together forever…it’s best to not let the bedroom become boring! The cool thing about having a serious partner is you will have plenty of time to develop quite a repertoire of moves and other fun stuff. You will become more and more comfortable; introduce new toys or films or positions or words or costumes or whatever you like. It’s actually quite an exciting thing to look forward to.


Number Four: Communicate. A lot. I am talking about using your words and not letting emotions get in the way. In my personal experience, the best time for telling somebody “I don’t like it when you do __” is when you are not in the middle of doing “___”; it’s best to divert the situation to something else and talk about it later. And if you do like something, be sure to mention that as well so it happens again. People are not mind readers.

Number Five: Last but definitely not least, LISTEN. I mean really listen to what your partner says to you. Of course, this is important all the time, but listen especially close when he or she speaks up about your sexy time. It may be difficult or embarrassing for them to bring something up, especially if feelings are attached. If they say they’re not comfortable with something you must not do it again until they are comfortable with it. Definitely talk about it, don’t get offended or defensive, just listen.

Good luck and congratulations on your wedding, Danielle! Maybe you’ll get to use some of these tips on your honeymoon!


Thanks for the guest post, Nova! Make sure you check out her blog Four-Eyes Rella.

2 comments

Alexis said... December 22, 2011 at 10:28 AM

Okay, I'm gonna ask. What are you holding in your hand there Nova?

nova said... December 22, 2011 at 12:37 PM

Hahahaha a rubber boob that one of the guys had at the tattoo shop. It was leaking goo out of the side so I was throwing it in the garbage.

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