Zulay & Hector

Please enjoy this little guest post from Zulay of Adventures of Modern Mom.

I am 31-years old and it just dawned on me that I am a wife and a mother! Now, this is something that just keeps hitting me in the face every day when I wake up to my Layla kicking me in the face! How did I get here? My husband jokes that “YOU ARE THE ONE THAT WANTED A CANDY BAG!” 

For years, we went to parties that our friends and family threw for their kids and I never got a candy bag because we didn’t have kids. I would always turn to him with a sad look on my face and say I never get a bag! My best friend, Danielle, would always tease me and give me my own special bag, yet I always yearned for the day I can get those damn candy bags!

It is funny because a lot of us take for granted the fact that we can get pregnant. I mean, I never thought about tests or treatments to get pregnant or anything like that until we were about three years into our marriage and nothing had happened. Yes, we were not using any birth control, but we were not actively trying to have kids. We were just going with the flow to see what would happen. As time passed and everyone else was getting pregnant that had been on birth control, I wondered why not me? I made an doctor's appointment.

The doctor saw me as a 26-year-old healthy woman and she really didn’t think that I had any need to worry. She just told me to keep at it! I explained to her that we had been at it for a few years now and not even an "Oops, I may be pregnant!" had come up! Seeing the worry in my face, she had me scheduled for an exam that would check out if everything was in working order down there. The test consisted of them shooting up some liquid that would light up my fallopian tubes so the doctors could see if there was a block or something. Of course, with my luck, one of them was blocked! 

The doctor assured me that I only need one to get pregnant and yes, this cuts your chances, but it is still doable. I kind of felt beaten. I mean, here I was, just making sure everything was okay, not prepared that something would be wrong! I mean, I thought getting pregnant was easy; now I was being told to count days and keep track of this, that and the other! I had to take vitamins, too! It was just too much information and too much to deal with and to top it off my doctor was like, "We will revisit in six months and see what other options we have."

Other Options. What did that mean! Why couldn’t I just have sex with my husband and get pregnant the old fashioned way! Why did I need to see “other options?!” She also said that stressing out about it would not help my situation! Okay, I get it...you dump all this on me and then expect me not to stress? Yeah, okay. I got it! I remember talking to my friend, Danielle, and her just telling me flat out to relax! She told me that when it was my time, it would just happen. Yes, it had been a few years, but all I needed to do was just let things happen!

I remember that really hit home for me and I did just as she had recommended: I relaxed. I stopped “trying” to have a baby and just enjoyed time with my husband! And guess what? Like, almost 6 months later, we found out WE WERE PREGNANT! I couldn’t believe it! I was overjoyed and overwhelmed! We wanted this so badly, but ummm…could I really handle being someone’s mom?! I sure was. 

On April 9, 2008, we gave birth to my beautiful song (I call her that because she is named after Eric Clapton’s song, Layla). The transition from being a couple to being parents was weird, fantastic, amazing and scary! WE WERE SOMEONE’S PARENTS! I still get a kick out of that! We are in charge of molding this little creature to the person she will one day be! I don’t see how you can top that! 

It’s crazy how the view of the world changes for you. Things that used to mean so much to you, really do not matter. Well in my case, I began to just let things go much easier-things that I had held onto in the past just because I had so much more to look forward to. My husband becoming a father was amazing. Seeing him with the girls is something wonderful. They adore that man, as I do! To see him with his girls, you would never think he is a “man’s man” He has shown me at times what it is to really be a parent-the patience and care that it takes. Sometimes I get so involved in trying to get everything right that I forget to appreciate what is around me. He grounds us! 

When Layla was almost two years old, we had our other song (our other daughter is named Ava, after the Ava Maria). She is what I call "a surprise." After waiting so long to have Layla, I never thought we would get pregnant so fast! Ava completes our family. She is our little angel and is so different from her sister. Both my daughters are characters and I just could not see my life without them. They have truly made me a better person. 

My husband and I have become stronger as a unit after having children. I mean you kind of have to. You have to truly be in it together. I see many couples (like my own parents) where one is the parent who is in charge of loving the kids and the other is in charge of disciplining. I knew when I had my own kids, we would do both things equally. We would both hold our ground when it came to big decisions and what was in their best interest. 

I think we have done a pretty good job. Hell, like I always say, I, by all means, am not perfect. Parenting is a learning process for you and your children. They really don’t have a manual for this stuff! You have to learn a lot of it on the fly and what is best for your family, may not be for another! You learn and move on and it’s always a plus when you have a partner to help you out!

So, on those nights when I am tired as hell from work and dinner is cooking, the TV is blasting, there is a pile of clothes to be washed, Layla and Ava are fighting over some toy the other one doesn’t want to share and I think I am going to lose my mind if I step on other damn Lego piece or change one more diaper, I think to myself how the hell did I get here! I can look at my husband and like clockwork he looks at me and says, “YOU ARE THE ONE THAT WANTED THOSE DAMN CANDY BAGS!”

Thanks for the guest post, Zulay! To read about more adventures with the entire Fernandez family, check out Zulay's blog,  Adventures of Modern Mom


Melissa @funfitchic.net said... November 10, 2011 at 9:38 AM

This was great. I loved reading it. Soon enough the Rivera's will be on the same journey. Great advice and retrospect.

MODERN MOM said... November 10, 2011 at 10:03 AM

Thank you !!! I am so happy to be doing this for you guys it was so much fun to go down memory lane on how we became a family!!!!

Nitzalie said... November 10, 2011 at 11:58 AM

It's a wonderful transition from married couple to parents. There really are very little words to describe the impact it has on your life and relationship. Thanks so much for sharing! And, what lovely little Songs you have!!

Annika said... November 10, 2011 at 6:38 PM

Aahahahahaha that's adorable! I just loved reading this and your little girls are simply darling!

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