Final Thoughts

These are my last three days as a single woman and this is probably the only opportunity I'm going to have to put my thoughts about it to paper, so...another rambling-type post.

For the past few weeks, I've been trying to imagine what Friday is going to be like. I mean, I know what it's going to be like. Shit, even you know what it's going to be like; you guys helped me plan most of it. I'm talking about the emotions I'm going to have and experience on that day. What are those going to be like? I have no clue.

I keep closing my eyes and picturing myself and Wil by the altar, reciting our vows to each other. I can see that, but I don't know how I'm going to feel while it's happening. That's what I've been trying to imagine and it's distressing me that I have no way to anticipate what I'm going to feel. I'll be happy, that's for sure, but will there be more than that? There has never been a single event in my entire life that I have looked forward to more than this wedding and with that, comes uncharted emotional territory. And I hate surprises.

Right now I'm excited, anxious, happy, nervous, optimistic, hopeful and cheerful, but is that how I'm going to feel in church? How about when we're sitting in our limo after our ceremony? What will be going through my head while we're lining up to be introduced as man and wife for the first time ever? It's breaking my head that I can't anticipate what those moments are going to be like...and that's making me even more excited and anxious.

Don't take this post the wrong way, guys. Like I said, I'm hopeful and cheerful. This isn't a post about getting cold feet or anything. It's just that I like being mentally prepared for any and all situations I encounter and my wedding day is no different. I want time to move quicker so I can officially call myself Mrs. Wilfredo Rivera, but I also want it to be here already so I can know what it's going to be like. I want so badly to be in those moments so I can answer these questions I've had over the past few weeks. In a nutshell, I guess you can say that the anticipation is killing me. You could probably also say that I'm an incredibly impatient person.

I'm really looking forward to being Wil's wife, yet I'm even feeling anxious about that. Is it going to feel any different from being Wil's fiancee? From being his girlfriend? I want to know what that's going to be like, too. I imagine that I'll experience this again while I'm waiting to become pregnant. And then again while I'm waiting to become a mother. Is there anyway to turn off this restlessness and just enjoy the moment? I'm honestly really bad at doing that, you guys. Am I the only one?

My major concern above all that I've talked about here is that I'll be too busy registering my own emotions about the goings on that I'll miss out on connecting with my husband during the most important day of our lives. Do we have to add "Alone Time" into our timeline just to ensure that we can at least have a 5-minute conversation about how we're feeling? Yet another unknown to feel anxious about.

And another thing...we're going to be pulled all over on Friday to take pictures with and say hello to this cousin and that aunt throughout the evening. When are we going to have time to reflect on our emotions of the day together? Does this happen after the party is over? During our honeymoon? I'm excited about the number of family and friends who love us enough to take off from work and celebrate our union with us, but is it wrong to want to actually enjoy this party that we've worked so hard to plan? I want to eat. I want to drink. I want to dance. I want to get rowdy with my friends. I want to have a good time. Am I being selfish to want these things? Is it totally impossible to make that happen?

I've got to wrap this up so I can pick-up my after party dress from the dry cleaners. What I want you to take away from this is 1.) I love Wil with all my heart and cannot wait to be his wife; 2.) I'm really excited and anxious about our wedding day; 3.) I want to enjoy our party; 4.) I'd like to get on with the next chapter of my life; 5.) I'm super grateful that I've had you all to roll ideas off of/vent to over the past nine months. 6.) I'm cranky.

Starting tomorrow, I'm officially on blogcation! I have eight fabulous ladies guest posting for me while I run off to get hitched. Please be nice to them and leave them sweet comments on their posts, okay? If you email me anytime between now and November 18th, just keep in mind that I'm a newlywed and am probably busy doing whatever it is that newlyweds do. Take care, thanks again and I'll talk to you soon! 

P.S. It's a blogcation, not a totalsocialmediacation. I'll be all over Twitter and Instagram documenting the wedding of the century. Just search #danfredowedding. Okay, bye!


MODERN MOM said... November 8, 2011 at 2:23 PM

It's normal to be anxious and all your feelings are normal!!! I suggest that when you get to the "bridal suite" just take five minutes for you and him! I did that with my husband and it was great to both breathe and look at each other before everyone else came!!! I also advise designate your maid of honor or someone else to be your go-between at the party any thing that will come up have them go to her or him first before bringing it up to you so that if it's not a big deal you can still enjoy your party!!! Do the meet and greet at the beginning of the party so you have to rest of the night to enjoy and have fun!

Anonymous said... November 8, 2011 at 2:26 PM

You're going to feel...perfect.


iselby said... November 8, 2011 at 3:04 PM

There's a thing called "Yichud" in Jewish weddings where the couple goes off together by themselves for 10-15 minutes after the ceremony and are in complete seclusion (in olden days to seal the deal!). At most of the Jewish weddings that I shoot the couples still practice this and I think it is a GREAT idea!! Most of the time they just break brad and pop some champagne :) I wish that David and I had done it. So.. even though you aren't Jewish you might want to consider it. Or at least use your time during couple portraits to just talk to each other (and kiss and kiss and kiss) :)

And it will all be totally surreal on your wedding day.. in a good way :) Enjoy it!

Caitlin said... November 8, 2011 at 3:16 PM

I guess my only word of advice to you is to sloooow down :)

I was going to mention Yechud before the person above did but I always thought it was a great idea personally :) As I've told you before, the wedding day goes by SO fast (like, I can't even convey to you how fast it goes) so that 10-15 minutes is precious. I think Rob and I had a pretty easy time of finding time to just "be" together and talk about how awesome this was, but we had a pretty small wedding.

I think if you spend so much time worrying or thinking about what you will be thinking you're going to miss out on the here and now. And if you're like me, it means that when you're actually at the wedding you'll be constantly wondering "am I feeling it yet? Is this it?" and that just takes you away from it. In terms of "how it feels", at least for me it felt surreal and awesome and sad (in weird ways, haha) and SO FAST.

This moment, and these feelings, are part of this whole process...enjoy it and enjoy the anticipation! :) Just as when you're pregnant or waiting to get pregnant, life is in the anticipation. Just take a few breaths, allow yourself to get excited and let go of the rest! <3

I hope this doesn't come across as judge-y or whatevs, just throwing in my two cents as an extremely impatient person. I wish you all the best and can't wait to hear more about it!

Vivian said... November 9, 2011 at 12:52 AM

What a handsome couple you two are and could you be any more GORGEOUS!?? I remember being so stressed when preparing my wedding. I even stressed about the fact that I was going to be stressed on that special day. Something magical happened that day..don't ask me how and why (must have been my mother's prayers because they were certainly not mine) but I was the most vibrant happy, almost in ecstasy state bride. Still to this day I don't even know if anything went wrong behind the scenes. If it did I was so oblivious to it. I have no regrets whatsoever. So no matter what happens don't lose track of the reason why you two are there. It's about you and him. And this day you can only live once so make it the BEST. Wishing you happiness now, on that day and forever after. See you when you get back friend!

Annika said... November 9, 2011 at 11:21 AM

I think that part of truly enjoying the moment IS all those crazy emotions and the anticipation. I have photographed and been in quite a few weddings in my day and some of the best stories are the behind the scenes moments. The way Wil looks at you when he see's you at the end of the aisle. The way you will bond with especially the women of your family. The quiet moments of anxiety that your wonderful friends and bridesmaids will help you through. When the cake and Metrocards are all gone, those emotions are what you'll remember. And suddenly, all that anxiety wont seem like such a bad thing anymore <3

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